Burn ‘Em Brewing: Coconoats

The can for this pale ale reads “Ladies love it, Men want to be it. Fermented with toasted coconut, this seductive oatmeal pale ale will splash elegance in and around your mouth holes.”

I want to be friends with the person responsible for the copywriting on that can.

Also: this is probably the first time that “seductive” has prefaced the word “oatmeal.”

So, the can arrives (with a chilled pint glass, because you, friend, are no heathen) and the artwork is brash, a cross between Beavis and Butthead and those comics that used to be in late 1980s and early 1990s issues of Sassy magazine*. The text is chillin’, illin’, and brashly unserious.

Truthfully, I thought it would not be hoppy enough for me (I adore hops). I suspected that it would taste like Sierra Nevada pale ale with a soup├žon of sunscreen. Or, worse, a top note of oatmeal raisin cookie.

But “pale ale” has never let me down before and…it was on special.

1980s scratch and sniff sticker
And here’s the truth: it’s fairly glorious in a really distinct way. The aroma is spot-on 1983 scratch ‘n sniff sticker of chocolate ice cream. For some people, myself included, this is reason enough to drink this beer. The flavor? The first sensation on the tongue is totally a Wendy’s Frosty (slightly chocolatey, slightly shake-like, dairy-ish and good) and the rest of the sensation is…delicious hoppy goodnessI could tell you the color is a pleasant orange-y amber: like bourbon or topaz or the stained glass windows at the Spaghetti Factory in Indianapolis.

But you don’t care about that. This is a good beer to try. Maybe not to drink multiples of: it might get cloying. Nevertheless, this is a very worthy pale ale to seek out and, frankly, if I ever get up to Michigan City, Indiana, again, I’m going to Burn ‘Em Brewing. They’ve been around since 2013 and all their labels are peculiarly funny (heh, heh, heh: Beavis) in their artwork and naming; there’s a wide selection of crazy, off-the-wall, unexpected brewings (creamed corn! Peaches! Double rice! Vanilla hazelnut!). After being so pleasantly surprised by the Coconoats, well, I want to at least taste them all.

And, seriously, whoever wrote that text is my new best friend. I love anyone who considers oatmeal seductive and can write “splash elegance in and around your mouth holes.”


*I think the cartoon was called “Althea” but the Internet has been zero help on the Sassy front tonight.



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